Growing pains

Sometimes it feels like things have to be hard for a while. All the inspirational quotes say so. Cynicism aside, I do believe that true growth only comes through change, and change is often hard-won.  We are in the throes of change in our household, and I can only hope that these changes will bring not only growth for all of us, but joy.  In the meantime I am hanging on, trying to stay present, and trying to stay mindful that even as I wish away these moments of difficulty, I wish away other moments of great sweetness.

Home and doubt

We are back on the home front after a whirlwind trip back to the midwest.  The family wedding was beautiful, the flower girl performed admirably. The only hiccup was the long and arduous trip there and back.  Oh, and the fact that this mom had a bit too much to drink on the first night, thereby betraying the fact that I haven't been "out" in many, many months.

I know that a few of my recent posts have been a bit melancholy about the change of seasons, the change of circumstances...just change in general.  Though many, many things have become easier for me as I've gotten older, I seem to have more trouble with significant life change than I did even a decade ago. Having moved every two to three years as a child, change was a natural and expected part of my day to day life. I've changed careers, home, continents, with very little trepidation. Less so today. I find myself dreaming fitful dreams at night and mulling every possible outcome over during the day.  I won't say too much about the specifics except to say that it involves work and child care. When I type it like that it seems so mundane, doesn't it? And yet I think primary caregivers of young children everywhere will sense that it is, in fact, a very significant issue for many of us.

In any case. I choose to focus on the fact that today my home was calm. Today we went to the park. Today we held hands. Today we ate dinner together. And for the time being, we get to do it again tomorrow.

Change

A busy week that's a bit backloaded.  We cruised into Monday with not much on the agenda besides some time with friends and a few library visits. Now I find myself on Wednesday night with an extremely packed docket: an interview tomorrow, flying back to the midwest on Friday, only to return on Sunday morning.  Our girl is, by now, a seasoned traveler, but it will be interested to see how the bigger folks adjust to less sleep and less routine.  We are a family that thrives on a regular rhythm to our days, and as wonderful as it will be to reconnect with family and friends this weekend, there will be very little downtime.

I should, say, too, that with the interview tomorrow, there seems to be change afoot.  I'm not quite sure what that will look like, or how extreme it will be, but it makes me cling to the current cadence of our days even more.  How often does it take a major change looming to make us appreciate the present?

The Olympics are one of the few televised programs I watch, so there has been an uncharacteristic amount of tv in our house recently.  It's always a bit of a shock to watch, as everything on television seems louder and faster than in real life; I find myself needing to look away at times.

The greatest surprise of all this year was to see back-to-school commercials being streamed now, this second week of August.  Advertisements for fall clothes, for school supplies, all of the things that keep us hurtling towards the future that isn't yet here. As much as I love fall, I'm not ready yet.  The trees are still green, the sun is still powerful, and I can still hear the kids next door playing on their stoop. It isn't time yet! We can still hang on to these hot summer days.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Languid summer days

Would you believe that summer is not my favorite month? Not by a long shot. As summers go, though, this is one of my favorites.  I love our CSA share, walking through dewy grass at the park, how cool the floor at the MFA feels.  As a life-long student, August feels like the end of summer to me, even though the hottest days are upon us.  It's always a bit of a struggle to fight against looking to the next thing, isn't it? I need to remember that everything is good right now.

A perfect summer day

It really was.  I'm almost afraid to write about it lest I not do it justice, but I want to try hard to remember it for as long as possible.  Breakfast down the street, a visit to the wading pool, a delicious lunch at home, an equally delicious nap, and some family Olympics time.  Doesn't sound like much, does it? And yet it was.  In the evening, after a dinner of homemade pesto and sweet corn, with fresh fruit for dessert, we fell into bed suntanned and happy.