Home and doubt

We are back on the home front after a whirlwind trip back to the midwest.  The family wedding was beautiful, the flower girl performed admirably. The only hiccup was the long and arduous trip there and back.  Oh, and the fact that this mom had a bit too much to drink on the first night, thereby betraying the fact that I haven't been "out" in many, many months.

I know that a few of my recent posts have been a bit melancholy about the change of seasons, the change of circumstances...just change in general.  Though many, many things have become easier for me as I've gotten older, I seem to have more trouble with significant life change than I did even a decade ago. Having moved every two to three years as a child, change was a natural and expected part of my day to day life. I've changed careers, home, continents, with very little trepidation. Less so today. I find myself dreaming fitful dreams at night and mulling every possible outcome over during the day.  I won't say too much about the specifics except to say that it involves work and child care. When I type it like that it seems so mundane, doesn't it? And yet I think primary caregivers of young children everywhere will sense that it is, in fact, a very significant issue for many of us.

In any case. I choose to focus on the fact that today my home was calm. Today we went to the park. Today we held hands. Today we ate dinner together. And for the time being, we get to do it again tomorrow.